"Looking for Lovely" - Reflections

Posting on behalf of Marcia Lynn Sohar.

Well, it's hard to believe that we have come to the end of our summer book study. I truly hate to see it end, and I know that many of you feel the same way. Maybe now would be a good time to reflect upon what this study has meant to each of us.

When Amy asked me to share what this study has meant to me, my first thought was that it has given me content to read and scripture to ponder during my "quiet time" this summer. Summers put me off a bit, because it seems like everything stops in the summer and that includes my Bible studies.

But with that in mind, I still knew that the study had meant much more to me than simply filling up my quiet time. I knew there had been many "a-ha" moments this summer as I read "Looking For Lovely."

I will tell you, as I began to reflect, it was not difficult to realize what an impact this study has had on my life. You see, because Annie shared her journey, I have finally come to realize that all of my struggles have served to lead me toward the person that I want to be. It is also OK that I am not that person yet. It is OK to be "unfinished." I am now resting in the realization that becoming the person that I want to be is an ongoing process and with God's grace I know that I will persevere.

If you hadn't read the book, you might think it odd that I would say that my greatest "a-ha" moment came from reading about Annie's tattoos. Not only the tattoos themselves, but also the timing of when she had the them placed on her left and rights wrists.

Annie told us, early on, that she decided to put "grace" on her left wrist. To quote Annie, "It reminds me less of who I am and more of who I want to be." As her story progressed, Annie shared many of her struggles that hindered her from finding lovely. She always knew that God's grace was sufficient, after all, she had it written on her wrist, but many times her humanness got in the way and lovely could not be found. As we read, I realized that it was only through her struggles that she learned to persevere with God's grace. AHA, and persevere, she did! We found out just how much this all meant to Annie when she had the word "persevere" tattooed on her right wrist.

Annie's story has touched me deeply because I can relate to it so well. It has been a true eye-opener for me to realize that struggles are necessary in this life. This is a new concept for me. You see, for some reason, I had convinced myself that if I truly believe that God's grace is sufficient then I should not struggle. Of course I have been very successful at keeping that belief "30 feet down."

Privately, I have asked myself the question time and again, "If I truly believe my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), then why have I struggled with depression, anxiety, loneliness, insecurity, doubt, and fear?" Could it be that "30 feet down" I have questioned with my faith and I have allowed unworthiness and guilt to fester?

Praise Jesus, there are no coincidences when we follow Him. He knows what we need before we ask. God knew what I needed to hear this summer. God knew that I needed to come face to face with Romans 5:3-4. "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." I will pray that these beautiful words that Paul spoke so long ago will continue to dink deep into my very being. Today, I am actually praising the Lord that I am "unfinished." And today, rather than feeling unworthy because I struggle, I am thankful for my struggles that allow me to grow and become more of who I want to be.

I will end with a beautiful quote from Annie,

"When you persevere, your character, your proven faith and tried integrity grows. Hope is an expensive commodity, not easily won, always fought for, and the result of a process that will take time. If you want to be full of hope, you have to suffer a bit."

I love you, girls. Thank you, Amy, for giving me the opportunity to share and thank you, my sisters, for reading my story. Sometimes it just feels good to stop, reflect, pray, and journal. Now it's your turn. I would love to hear from you.