Made For This -- Surrender is Scary
I say to you, unless a brain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12: 24-25
Ladies, thank you for your involvement yesterday. It was a joy to go back and read some of childhood dreams. Some of those dreams came true. Versions of some of those dreams came true. And, we thank God daily that some of our dreams didn't come true. Either way, I love the practice of dreaming. I've turned my back on the restrictive/fearful thinking of my former days that told me being content was more important than dreaming. I now find it almost worshipful to dream with Jesus. I will never be able to "out-dream" Him. If He died for me to live fully, I want to dream for all the fullness I can imagine and trust Him to fulfill only the ones that were written for me.
Please read pages 60 through 63 in Made For This. Buckle up! The journey is going to get scary again. :)
I feel it's necessary to summarize my story again for those of you that don't know it. I'm always so afraid that someone is reading my words with the perspective that I'm some religious saint on the other side of a screen sharing wisdom with you. Oh how I wish that were true. I'm one of you, just seeking the Lord daily and wanting to share that journey with others if it helps.
Prior to 2011, surrender was not part of my story at all. I knew what I wanted (a family, sweet kids, pretty kids, the PTA membership, the mini van, the sweet life), and I was willing to paint whatever mask on my face so that everyone believed I had it. I made everything about religion work for me. I actually did have a real relationship with God. As best I could, I loved Him and felt like all of my rule following had gotten me exactly where I wanted to be; well respected, good, settled, and comfortable. And, then, my pastor husband confessed adultery, and our picture perfect family was obliterated.
Except that it wasn't! The details are too numerous to share. For the purpose of this post, I have to say that God performed a miracle. All glory goes to Him! Period! In an instant, God allowed me to see the fragility of myself and my life behind the backdrop of His power and might. Even though our little world was shot to hell, I knew (without a doubt) I wanted every bit of His goodness..... no matter what. For the first time in my life, I was all in! I can't tell you any second of it was easy, safe, or comfortable. But, I can promise you it's been an adventure.
The life you want lies on the other side of death.
So, once again, I'm asking you.... I'm asking ME, can we pray, "God, anything. You have me."
Even though I know with firsthand experience that it's worth it, it's still so hard. I want to trade in comfortable and safe any time I get the opportunity, but I'm still a little concerned about what the opportunity will be.
I'm going to jump anyway. I'll do anything, Lord! Do a new thing in me again.
I can't wait for you to jump in to the Respond questions on page 66. Don't be afraid to be open and honest with God in your answers. I firmly believe it's part of the process. We can't jump over our personal hindrances and obstacles. We need to be healthy in Him. Then, please spend ample time in the scripture on page 65. We're reading in John 12, and I just know there are some precious gifts for you there.
"Even though I am torn within, and my should is in turmoil, I will not ask the Father to rescue me from this hour of trial. For I have come to fulfill my purpose -- to offer myself to God." John 12:27 (Passion Translation)
God, I'm asking that you'll give us the courage to pray anything.... once and for all, in whatever season, and no matter the cost. It's a big prayer, but I believe it leads to the most peaceful life. We were meant to live completely consumed by Jesus. Filled with Your Spirit, we live abundantly only when we live with abandon to You and Your ways. Thank you for Your guidance. We are excited about what You're doing.
